Like any other college student, I am also dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety disorders. Sometimes, I even think I am also struggling with other mental health conditions. Since I am a working student, I have to juggle my time for school and work to be able to support my education financially. I have to dedicate my whole time to partitioning my tasks and responsibilities because I am currently living independently.
With that said, the task that I put myself into requires a lot of emotional and mental strength. That’s because all sorts of distractions, temptations, and unmotivational situations are just right around the corner. And since I really wanted to finish school and get a degree, I know I have to deal with these psychological problems I am facing.
With all the emotional, physical, and mental stress I deal with every day, I can’t seem to find the words to explain how exhausting my life is, and any form of physical activity is difficult to do.
My Life In A Nutshell
My routine starts with one full-time job in the morning, class schedules in between, and another part-time job in the evening. Seriously, I really do not have time for anything because this setup is already taking too much of my entire life. I have no friends. I only talk or interact once in a while with people socially at school. Either I ask a classmate for notes or talk to a teacher about a makeup exam that I missed due to my working schedule.
Truthfully, I am not complaining because I happened to accept that this is already my life. That if I wanted to be successful, I should have to work hard for it and do the best I can no matter what. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon, so I have to take care of myself the way I should.
The Mental Health Dilemma
Unfortunately, due to my overly confident “can do” attitude, I started to feel and see myself mentally and emotionally falling down. I thought I was doing things accordingly and that I was managing my time that best fit my needs.
Sad to say, I was just trying to hold a poker face because I can’t genuinely control everything. I can’t seriously juggle two jobs while trying to meet deadlines for school projects. I can’t attend a special lesson without filing for a leave of absence at work and vice versa.
I often have to choose between school and work.
Having To Choose Between College And Work
It was not the best decision I made and probably the worst one in my entire life, but with all the pressure of school and work, I decided to quit school for a while. I know a lot would think that I made the wrong move, but my preference came from my will to survive. As much as I want to study and get a degree to get a better, stable, and nice-paying job, I can’t as of the moment.
College is no joke, especially when talking about financial capability aside from mental health concerns and emotional problems.
Since I began focusing on my two jobs, I felt that my life started to loosen a little bit. I don’t have to worry about deadlines anymore, and there’s no adrenaline rush in the middle of the day or in between shifts. I felt like I was in the right zone working for my college funds.
Yes, I am not quitting on a college degree. It’s just that I am taking a step back so I can focus on it even better once I get back there.
Unstable Mental State
So far, my simple work life has been a poor attempt to hide away the sorrows of longing for success. For weeks and months that passed by, there was not a moment that I didn’t think of going back to school. I wanted to get that educational achievement because I believe it’s worth a shot at having a better life in the future. I do believe that it’s a ticket to personal growth and development someday.
With the constant desire for college life, I developed anxiety. Thoughts in my head are endless, and a lot of what-ifs are taking over. What if I can’t go back to school? What if I got fired from my job? What if I can’t save enough for college? What if I fail? What if I end up having nothing at all? What if my plan does not work? These are just a few negative thoughts that I held onto and makes my emotional regulation a mess.
Due to my unstable state, I have decided to cut some slack and treat myself for once.
Online Game As Therapy
One time, during a work break, I decided to install online games on my mobile device. It was a simple mix-and-match app that requires little to no effort to complete. After a couple of days, I found myself playing digital games with MOBA (Multiplayer online battle arena) game play. And that’s where it all changes.
After work, I get a little excited for an hour break because I get to play video games with my online friends. Yes, with MOBA, I gained friends. I managed to talk to people in virtual worlds using the game chat and found out that my life is not that bad after all. Some of my friends are dealing with far worse than me, and I can’t stress it enough how thankful I am for knowing the things they all went through. Not because I feel sorry for them but because I realized that my life can still be meaningful despite the struggles.
Lessons Learned In Gaming
It was then I used the virtual reality of gaming as virtual therapy. Not only because I enjoy the game itself but I get to know other people from the end of the line. I get to talk with them and share my problems without thinking that I might be judged or anything. With the technology in therapy, I became at peace with my mental and emotional state because I got to interact with others through the game.
An hour or two of playing MOBA has changed my life. Somehow, it made me think about leisure from time to time. I realized that I shouldn’t have to be hard on myself and that whatever happens, things will still be okay. And like the game, if I lose, I can always pause and continue or recharge and restart.
My social gaming community has helped me a lot. No, not financially, but they provided me a sense of hope that things will get better and that I shouldn’t have to pressure myself that hard because soon everything will be fine.
Striving For Balance
Of course, there are instances when I often get caught up with the leisure time I gave myself and get a little too overwhelmed with serious games. Sometimes, I need to remember to focus on my work because I often think about playing mobile games a lot. I am not perfect, and I somehow thought I was getting a little addicted to playing MOBA.
Understandably, I know the intention of downloading the game was to give myself a break from all the work-related stress I deal with every day. But I am also aware of the negative impacts it can have. If I get addicted to gaming, I could develop various mental health conditions and would need cognitive behavior therapy sessions in order to keep myself on a proper pace in gaming.
So, as much as possible, I try my best to remain consistent with the purpose of playing mobile games so I wouldn’t steer away from its therapeutic effects, and I seek out mental health professionals for mental health interventions.
I understand that playing mobile games can cause addiction, traumatic brain injury, anger, and stress management issues. So, as much as possible, I would schedule my gaming experience so I wouldn’t have to deal with the negative consequences if I ever lost track.
Final Thoughts And Insights
Online or offline gaming can be a helpful tool when used correctly. It can be the best way to look after our overall mental and emotional wellness. It provides us a space to unwind, relax, and take time out from the stress and pressure of daily life. It gives us a sense of purpose and will to try new things. It makes us realize our potential and encourages our ability to control ourselves for better growth and development.
Playing video games (disclaimer: not all video games are mental health friendly, as there can be violent video games) can teach valuable skills as well, such as decision-making, problem-solving, and stress-coping strategies. It can also simulate real-life scenarios, allowing us to practice and improve social skills in a safe and controlled environment. Furthermore, playing video games can provide an open viewpoint and track improvement objectively and quantifiably.
By playing games, it acted as a form of video game therapy for me. I would get to play with the people I met online on role playing games, and it was play therapy. In this game setting, I get to choose the reality I live at that very moment.
Gaming can also be a really pleasant way to have fun and stay connected with friends. As for me, this is the best thing that ever happened after I downloaded and installed the game. I gained friends and they soon became my companions. Now, I also spend time with them in person. We hang out and have coffee and dinner from time to time. It made me happy because I got to experience a true connection through the gaming app.
Just like any other thing, there can be positives and negatives to gaming. But as long as you focus your video game and on its role in your life, you will have enough mental strength.